FOOD // Tennesse Jed's COMBO FEAST

So the other day a bunch of us went out to Jones Beach way way out in Wantagh to celebrate my friend Natasha's birthday. Being the small, health-conscious, baby carrot and spelt cake loving lady that she is, us guys in the group decided that the perfect post-beach birthday meal would be A SHIT-TON OF RANDOM MEAT AT A RANDOM BBQ PLACE. 

Enter my new best friend in the world, Tennessee Jed. 

On every table, you get the delightful soda-crate turned condiment trough of sauces.

The "regular" tasted just like McDonald's BBQ sauce, so fuck that noise. But the other three, when together on a single plate, form what I like to call THE PERFECT STORM of sauce. You get the kick from the the hot, the tang from the sweet, and the chicken-finger nostalgia goodness of the honey mustard in every bite.

We all know building sandcastles burns about 12,000 calories a minute, SO WE NEEDED TO GET OUR CARBS ON. 


Oh, what's that Tennessee Jed? Tater tots covered in melted cheddar cheese, pickled jalapenos, smoked bacon and a mysterious white sauce? YES, PLEASE.

As filling as the Tornado Tots were (yes, they were called Tornado Tots), we figured we could use a little something extra, just to top off the meal.


Oh what's that Tennessee Jed? You have a dish that's a virtual Noah's Ark of BBQ? Let me think about tha- OH WAIT, YES PLEASE. 

 From the top:
- 1/2 Smoked Chicken
- 1 Rack of Texas Beef Ribs
- 1/2 Rack of Baby Back Ribs
- 1/2 Rack of St. Louis Ribs
- Texas Links
- Pulled Pork
- Brisket

Forrest back there is from Texas, and he approves.  

Oh yeah, and it comes with 4 SIDES.


Creamed Spinach? Awesome. Sweet Potato Fries? Beautiful. Mac 'n Cheese? Creamy Heaven.


Coleslaw? STUPID AND TERRIBLE BECAUSE NOONE LIKES COLESLAW, GABE.

VICTORY. *Note how the coleslaw has remained untouched. 

WE ARE MEN. 


Oh yeah, and Natasha got a burger or something stupid like that. Happy Birthday! 


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Tennessee Jed's 
3357 Merrick Road, Wantagh, NY
516.308.3355


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How Canada does Chips

Whenever I go to Japan or Taiwan, there's only one thing I look more forward to experiencing again than the incomparable awkwardness of otaku maid cafes: FOREIGN CHIP FLAVORS.

Foreign countries always have flavors of chips that are 8000 times more exciting than American flavors for some reason. Like these CLAM CHOWDER FLAVORED DORITOS.

So during this past shoot in Canada, in between my extreme Tim Horton's binges, I sought me out some foreign Lays (IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN).

Here are two in particular that caught my eye. And by "caught my eye," I mean "was closest to me when I remembered I was in a foreign country and that foreign countries have crazy potato chip flavors." 

Ruffles - "All Dressed"

OH CANADA, you're so vague. Turns out bring flavored with all of the dressing in Canada amounts to tasting like french dressing, which I suppose is historically accurate. Rating: NOT BAD, CANADA.


Lay's - "Ketchup"

There's a reason nobody dips potato chips in ketchup. KETCHUP POTATO CHIPS ARE THE MOST HORRENDOUS FLAVOR IN THE WORLD. I've literally never tasted anything as horrible as Lay's Ketchup chips. It's not that I don't like ketchup. Ketchup is delicious. It's a great source of lycopene, which can help fight osteoporosis, diabetes, and reduce your cholesterol. Plus it makes my sweet potato fries super tasty.


But these chips do not taste like ketchup. These chips taste like that watery residue that floats at the top of ketchup after it settles for a while. These chips taste like that... but mixed with the poop of lemons if lemons could poop. 


On top of that, the sourness leaves an aftertaste that is as if all 6000 of my tastebuds just marathoned Human Centipede 1 and 2, then Fever Pitch, then Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill.


Rating: BAD CANADA, BAD. You're lucky your Honey Dipped Tim Bits are so delicious...